Dear Depression: You Can't Have Me

 

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him" (Psalm 40:1-3).

This scripture has been the story of my journey with depression. God has heard my cry in every dark moment. He has lifted my mind, soul, and spirit from the pit of darkness. He has set my faith and trust in Him on a firmer foundation. Now, I have the opportunity to praise God by sharing my story with anyone living with depression.

For my sisters and brothers in Christ suffering from depression, if there is nothing else you take from this post, hear this: God is in the darkness right there with you. You are not abandoned or forsaken. He is right there with you.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Three years ago, life was overwhelming. I thought a loving relationship, unity within my family, pursuing higher education, and working non-stop would bring complete fulfillment. I never imagined how hard it would be to juggle all these responsibilities. I wanted to be a strong woman, capable of being loved. I wanted to show my family I was perfect and independent.

But slowly, day by day, I started sinking into a hole I couldn't pull myself out of. I was sleep-deprived, irritable, and consumed with guilt. I believed I wasn’t a loving fiancé, daughter, or aunt. Instead of motivating me to be better, the guilt pulled me deeper into the pit. I felt like I was failing myself, my boyfriend, and my family.

In this dark, slimy pit, God was there with me.

I'm not sure how long I suffered from depression. Before seeking professional help, I felt something was off. In the early years of my relationship with my now fiancé, I found myself always crying over little things. I felt overwhelming guilt, worthlessness, and hopelessness. I gained weight and started hating myself in ways I didn't think possible.

Months passed with no improvement. I became more withdrawn. My fiancé found me crying and cutting my wrists. I hate to admit how hopeless I felt. I wanted to die. I talked about death often, saying, "If I die today, tomorrow, or next week, you will mourn for a while, but I will be at peace."

Getting out of bed felt impossible at times. I forced myself to go to work and spend time with loved ones. In this dark pit, God was there with me. First, I admitted something was wrong. Admitting you struggle with mental illness is a vital step. I sought professional counseling and began taking antidepressant medication.

Depression affects the entire family. My relationship with my fiancé was strained. He dedicated himself to helping me become mentally well. He sat in therapy sessions to educate himself about depression. He spoke with my therapist to find ways to help me long-term. His dedication, love, and support helped me in this dark pit.

I began seeing a local psychiatrist regularly. She was a wonderful Christian who spoke life back into me. Counseling and medication turned my life around. It took several years, and I still have hard days, but having my faith and trust in God on a firmer foundation, with my fiancé aware of my struggles, has been huge in helping me overcome depression.

In this dark pit, God was there with me.

I believe that medication, therapy, the Bible, my fiancé, and the Titus Women's Gathering pulled me out of the pit. Since 2016, I have been actively taking medication, in therapy, praising God, and doing well. I consider this a miracle. After years of suffering, the Lord did a work in my life that allowed me to overcome depression. I know He may take me through the valley again someday, but for now, I’m grateful.

What do I want you to know about my struggle with depression? God was there with me in the dark pit. Living free of depression takes hard work. It means functioning more normally, feeling less hopeless, and finding ways to overcome depression rather than allowing it to control you.

This journey is lifelong. There is no quick fix for depression. The Lord will draw you to Him if you allow Him into your mind, soul, and spirit by meditating on and reading the Word daily. You need support and people who will push you toward hope.

God is faithful. My mindset has changed due to medication, therapy, and the support of my fiancé. He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction (Psalm 107:20).

Can you find hope and healing in the midst of depression?

Prayer:

Lord, it seems as if my world has collapsed, hurling me into a deep, dark pit. I come to you in complete surrender. I am desperate for you, helpless and afraid. Please lift me out of this pit and show me the way, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen